


The Double Date of Doom

by ralf



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: (not so) friendly competition, A Tall Shit?, Alec Lightwood? More like Alec Lightweight, Alec and Jace show their affection for each other by cursing each other, Alec is a Little Shit, Clary is confused and amused, Comedy, Double Date, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, F/M, Humor, Izzy is there in spirit, Jace Is A Little Shit, M/M, Magnus is just amused, Parabatai Bond, Parabatai Feels, They're both actually three year olds, alec is drunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-24
Updated: 2018-11-24
Packaged: 2019-08-28 15:57:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16726455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ralf/pseuds/ralf
Summary: “Alec, it's just one evening. I don't think I'm asking for too much here.”Alec glares daggers at him and Jace curses every millimeter Alec has over him.“And I don't think you'll win this argument so how about we just save us both the time and nerves and move on? I'm not going on a double date with you and Clary.No way.”Of course, even in the face of the most determined man, Life finds a way.





	The Double Date of Doom

**Author's Note:**

> this... got so _ridiculously_ out of hand, lol. it's one of three longer oneshots i'm currently working on but it wasn't supposed to be the _longest_. well, nothing to be done about it now. so yay me (?) for setting a new personal wordcount record (that i'll probably never break again haha).  
> i tried my _hardest_ to keep this completely light, but there is one tiny part where it gets the slightest bit feely, because apparently i can't write 100% pure humor, so take this 98% humor instead.  
> also this is probably not my best work stylistically, but it's not supposed to be. it's just supposed to amuse and entertain. i really hope it does :o  
> and fair warning, everything in here about sports is made up and/or googled and/or taken from other tv shows so there _might_ be deviations from real life ;)  
> but now: enjoy!! :)

“No.”

“Alec, listen-”

_“No.”_

Jace starts jogging to keep up with Alec's long strides. “Can you at least stop for a moment?”

Alec sighs loudly and turns to face Jace head-on, his arms crossend and an entirely exasperated expression on his face.

Jace takes a deep breath, knowing he has exactly one chance to change Alec's mind. Maybe less than that. “Look, I know I'm asking for a lot-” Alec snorts. Jace refuses to disheartened by that. “-but you'll see that-”

Alec rolls his eyes. “If you are seriously trying to convince me that this could be _fun_ I suggest you think again.”

Jace reminds himself that strangeling Alec is not an option. Not yet, anyway.

“Alec, it's just one evening. I don't think I'm asking for too much here.”

Alec glares daggers at him and Jace curses every millimeter Alec has over him.

“And I don't think you'll win this argument so how about we just save us both the time and nerves and move on? I'm not going on a double date with you and Clary. _No way._ ”

“Alec-”

“Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a lunch date with my boyfriend to get to. Which I'll enjoy immensely because it will be _just the two of us_.” With that Alec spins around and heads for the Institute's doors. Jace wonders, not for the first time, what he was thinking making someone more stubborn than himself his parabatai. What a grave miscalculation on his part.

Luckily he's prepared for this. He has a back-up plan and it's _fail-safe_.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Alec wasn't even telling the truth when he said he had a lunch date. He just happens to know that Magnus is working from home today and he misses him. That simply equates a lunch date in his book.

One activated speed rune and a jog through the bustling streets of New York later he finds himself on the doorstep of the loft. Stepping over the threshold he feels the tension of a busy morning melting away. “Magnus?” he calls.

“In here, darling,” comes from the apothecary.

Alec kicks off his boots and settles his bow and quiver by the door before making his way over. Magnus is filling the last drops of a potion from a fuming little pot into a vial. He corks it and sends it off with a snap of his fingers, then turns around to Alec with an excited little grin. “I just had a very interesting phone call from Clary.” He walks up to Alec and pecks his lips. “Hey.”

Alec smiles. “Hi. What'd she say?”

Magnus's grin widens. “She invited us both to an evening out,” he reveals with a flourish, then wrinkles his nose. “Of course Jace will be there, too, but that's a sacrifice I'm more than willing to make if it means I get to go on a double date with biscuit.”

Normally Alec would snort at that – Jace and Magnus do get along, but somehow it's become part of their dynamic to fake annoyance at each other every chance they get – but today he closes his eyes and grits his teeth. “I'm going to _kill_ Jace.”

Magnus frowns. “Not that I don't approve of that, but why?”

Alec just shakes his head, pulling out his phone to text Jace. _You're a dead man walking, Jace._

“Because he's a manipulative coward,” Alec answers Magnus.

His phone buzzes with a new text form Jace. _You left me no choice :)_

Alec huffs. Parabadumbass.

Magnus contemplates him for a moment. “Do you not want to?”

Alec tucks his phone away and watches Magnus in return. He's obviously trying to play it cool, but Alec noticed his earlier happy anticipation at the news and he knows he can't douse that spark. And Jace knows that, too. Damn him.

“No, it's fine, I...” He flounders a little, internally cursing Jace into next week, “I'm sure it will be fun.”

 

~ ~ ~

 

The dreaded day arrives all too soon. They meet up in front of the Hunter's Moon (Alec managed to persuade Magnus to arrive a few minutes late, allegedly to get a rise out of Jace but really he's just thankful for any reprieve he can get) and Magnus greets Clary enthusiastically, complimenting her dress while Alec shoots daggers at Jace who looks entirely too smug.

“Why don't we go in? After you,” Jace says with a smirk, opening the door.

Alec rolls his eyes and steps through the door and almost turns on his heels when he sees Simon and Maia sitting at one of the tables. Jace, who is right behind him, places a hand on his back, pushing him forward relentlessly as if sensing his flight instincts kicking in. He probably can. Alec silently curses their parabatai bond.

Fortunately Maia catches sight of them right away and after she whispers something to Simon they both get up and leave hastily through the back door. Alec makes a mental note to thank Maia the next time he sees her for preventing his evening from turning into even more of a disaster than it already is. If this double date had become a triple date featuring Simon he's sure a homicide (vampicide) couldn't have been prevented. Did it even count as murder if the victim was already dead? Probably. Alec sighs and sits down with the others. Killing Simon really wouldn't be worth starting a war between shadowhunters and downworlders. Just barely, but still.

Alec is just contemplating an alternative universe where Simon became a shadowhunter and Clary a vampire where he could kill Simon with less repercussions when he's jolted out of his thoughts by Jace's elbow colliding painfully with his biceps. “Stop thinking about murder and order something.”

Alec blinks and realizes that both Clary and Magnus are looking at him expectantly. Oops.

For a moment he is severely tempted to order something way stronger than what he normally goes for, but he can already imagine Magnus's disappointed little frown and he'll be damned if he ruins this evening for him. He decides on his usual beer and watches with dread as Magnus gets up to get their drinks, claiming that as High Warlock he'll be served much quicker than any shadowhunter could ever dream of. The wink he shoots Alec however suggests that he noticed Alec's mopey attitude and wants to inconvenience him by throwing him to the sharks.

Alec scoffs. He'll show Magnus. He hates half-assing things anyway. He's been roped into this, so now he's going to commit. For a minute he just silently witnesses Clary and Jace engaging in some serious eye-sex across the table as if he isn't present. He sends a wave of scolding through the parabatai bond to get Jace to stop it, but he just answers with a burst of malice.

Clearly this can't go on. He's gonna derail them with conversation.

Alec opens his mouth.

There's just one problem. He's never really been good at small talk.

“You come here often?” He blinks and clears his throat. “To the Hunter's Moon I mean.”

It's loud in the bar but he's pretty sure he just heard Magnus laugh at him from across the room. Traitor.

Clary turns her gaze to him. “Yeah, sometimes. But Jace also takes me out to really nice restaurants. Guess he's finally realizing that some mundane inventions aren't so bad.” She smirks at Jace, but it looks more flirtarious than superior. Jace answers with a saucy wink.

Alec frowns, displeased. “Guess there's less chance of running into one of your bookclub acquaintances in a mundane restaurant,” he mutters, only loud enough for Jace to hear.

Jace's smile falls right off his face and Alec bites back a grin. Clary cocks her head. “What did you say?”

“Nothing,” Jace says loudly. “Just unimportant Alec prattling. You know how he is.” He laughs artificially.

Clary looks thoroughly confused and much less inclined to make eyes at Jace, so Alec congratulates himself for a mission well accomplished.

Jace acknowledges his efforts with a kick to his shin.

“Ouch,” Alec hisses, kicking back but Jace evades him. Alec huffs and resolves to get back at him when he's less suspecting. His longer thread of patience (and longer legs) will eventually pay off. They always do.

Thankfully for now Magnus comes back with their drinks, sliding in next to Alec with a raised eyebrow and badly hidden amusement that tell Alec he's been privy to everything that played out during his short absence. Alec counters with a wide grin full of fake innocence.

Magnus snorts and deals out their drinks. For a moment they sip quietly, before Clary asks, “So Magnus, I'm sure you've been on tons of double dates already. What was the most memorable one?”

Magnus puts his martini glass down and grins slightly, almost shyly. “Actually I haven't ever been on a double date.” At their surprised glances he elaborates, “They're a relatively new invention and, well. It's no secret that for a long time I haven't been serious enough about anyone to go on dates, let alone double dates.”

Alec finds his hand under the table and laces their fingers together. Magnus leans against him in answer and sighs. Clary beams at them with hearts in her eyes (Alec will never understand other people's obsession with his and Magnus's relationship) while Jace pouts. Alec smirks at him.

“Do you have any double date experiences, biscuit?”

Clary and Jace share a look that immediately catches Magnus and Alec's attention. “Well, there was that one time that Jace and I accidentally got the table next to Simon and Maia...”

She trails off, still looking at Jace, who's face has turned into a pained grimace.

Alec leans closer. “Tell me more.”

“Please,” Magnus adds intently.

Alec grins in anticipation, sending some malicious glee through the parabatai bond. If he had known that 'double date' was code for ganging up on Jace he would have agreed immediately. Seems like Jace was right after all: this evening could very well be a lot of fun.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Twenty minutes and several drinks later Magnus and Alec have found out every last detail there is to know about Clary and Jace's disastrous double date. Alec is still snickering to himself, much to Jace's annoyance. (Alec might be exaggerating a little to get on his nerves. If so, no one is the wiser.)

“Okay, okay, I think we've had enough fun at my expense now,” Jace tries to change the topic. “How about we play some pool and see who's laughing then?”

Jace looks to the others. Clary shrugs and Alec and Magnus both nod, so they take their drinks and walk over to the back where the pool tables are. Unfortunately they are all occupied and none of the games seems close to the end. Clary points at one of the dartboards hanging on the wall off to the side. “We could play that while we wait.”

The others agree and Alec collects the five darts from the wooden box under the board. “That brings back memories of the good old times, right?” He asks Jace, getting into position a fair distance away. “Think you still got it?”

Jace snorts. “The question is, do _you?_ ”

Alec raises his chin in challenge. “Only one way to find out.”

“Just remember, Alec,” Jace smirks infuriatingly, “same side.”

Alec rolls his eyes hard. Clary and Magnus share a confused look.

“Did we never tell you how we first met?” Alec asks. Both Magnus and Clary shake their heads.

No time like the present to rectify this. “Well, I was target practicing with a bow when Jace arrived. I was still warming up with the new one I just got, so my shots were a little off.”

“They were _a lot_ off! You almost shot me,” Jace interrupts.

Alec plows on. “And then in strolled Jace, flipping his hair, telling me I was shit at it and that if only you're full of yourself you can achieve anything.”

“Hey! That wasn't--”

“And then he proceeded to throw daggers at my targets to show me how it's done.”

“And I hit every bullseye!” Jace points out.

Alec fixes him with a stare. “Yeah, and also totally ruined my targets, Jace. Because arrow targets and dagger targets are _slightly_ different, so thanks for that.” He turns back to Clary and Magnus. “And then he smiled like he'd just taught me the most valuable lesson on earth.”

Clary and Magnus are giggling but Jace actually looks a little contrite. “Wow, I sound like a real asshole when you put it like that.”

Alec shrugs. “You weren't so bad. And to be honest, eleven year old me was more impressed by your confidence than appalled at your lack of manners.” He snorts. “That came later.”

Jace smiles at him, but Alec can still feel some muted distress through their bond, so he walks over to him and squeezes his shoulder before pushing the darts into Jace's hand. “Come on then, parabatai. Show me how it's done.”

Jace relaxes, relief palpable in his posture and their connection, and takes Alec's vacated place. He concentrates, aims, and throws the darts in quick succession. He manages to hit the bullseye with the last one, but all the other darts miss by a field or two.

“Ha!” he triumphs, looking at Alec. “Let's see if you can beat this?”

“With ease,” Alec answers. He collects the darts, focuses on his target and throws. The first four darts miss the bullseye by a hair's breadth, crowding around the right side of it. “Damn,” Alec curses under his breath. “But this last one will go right in, I can feel it.”

He aims, squints, shoots... and the last dart bounces off of the flights of the other four and falls to the ground.

“Oh, come on,” he exclaims, pointing at the board. “That's not fair.”

Jace cackles. “I win!”

“Sorry to burst your bubble,” Magnus interjects, “but differend fields gain you different points, and the bullseye isn't even the best one. Even with these four shots Alexander wins this round fair and square.”

“And I thought we play in teams,” Clary adds, feigning huffiness.

Jace caves immediately. “Of course we are, Clary.”

Alec snorts and gives the darts to Clary. She stands too close to the board and he almost corrects her position, when she takes her first shot and almost misses the board entirely. After that he doesn't have the heart to.

“I've never done that before,” she explains when her last dart actually tears off one of the other ones and they both clutter down. “Luke said he didn't trust me and Simon with sharp, flying objects. He was probably right with that.”

They share a laugh, and then Magnus takes the darts from Clary. The slight curve of his mouth is the only warning Alec gets before Magnus throws the darts, lightning fast in a row, each one neatly hitting the bullseye. Really, the fact that Magnus knew more about dart should have clued him in sooner.

“Wooow,” Clary marvels while Jace gapes.

Alec just stares at Magnus in awe, and whatever Magnus sees on his face makes him smirk heatedly at him.

Alec clears his throat. “I think our team wins.”

“Unfair,” Jace chimes in immediately. “I demand a rematch. And I want to activate my precision rune.”

Magnus laughs. “Oh yeah? You think that'll help you?”

“Of course,” Jace puffs his chest. “I already had three drinks. If I was sober this would have gone a lot differently.”

Magnus simply raises his eyebrows while Alec argues, “But a precision rune sharpens your focus beyond your normal sober state. You're trying to cheat, Jace.”

“I'm with Alec on this one,” Clary says. “The first time I activated a precision rune I thought my eyes would burst with all the details I could suddenly see. That's really not normal.”

Jace shoots her a look of utter betrayal. Clary just shrugs.

“If you have an instant soberness rune however...” Magnus trails off. “You don't have one, right?”

Jace sighs. “Unfortunately we don't.” He perks up. “Clary? Think you could invent one?”

Clary blinks. “Uhm...”

Jace seems to really warm up to the idea. “It would be super handy, not just for me! For all shadowhunters.” He turns to Alec. “Especially for Alec. He's the worst when he's hungover.”

Alec frowns. “You say that like I'm hungover all the time.”

Clary laughs. “You say that like he's only the worst when he's hungover.”

Alec's jaw drops, and it drops even further when Magnus and Clary both double over, giggling.

“Magnus!”

Magnus tries to catch himself and walks over to him, cupping his cheeks. “I'm sorry, my darling, you are never the worst. You are always the sweetest.” His credibility is severely undermined when he starts giggling again halfway through his assurance. “Please, not that offended little frown, Alexander, it's too cute.” Magnus laughs even more, falling against Alec.

“I'm glad that my pain amuses you so much,” Alec deadpans, but he closes his arms around Magnus nonetheless.

Magnus chuckles against his throat before pulling himself together again and turning back to Jace, Alec's arm still around his shoulder. “Another suggestion. Why don't we rematch in a different discipline? Something that requires less fine motor skills and that your buzzed self is able to muster up?” His lips twitch in a clear challenge.

“Oh, it's _on_ ,” Jace agrees, a glint in his eyes.

“The pool tables are still occupied,” Clary comments after looking around.

“We don't have to stay here,” Magnus says. “Pick a sport and I'll portal us.”

“Bowling,” Alec supplies.

Jace turns to him and curses under his breath. Alec shrugs without a trace of guilt. “I really hate you sometimes, Alec.”

“Well, I love bowling,” Clary remarks.

Jace lets out a long breath. “Of course you do.”

“Then it's decided, the lady has spoken.”

“Why does Clary get to decide?” Jace whines. “I thought this was my rematch.”

Magnus just smiles. “A little bird told me this whole evening was planned to please Clary, so I think it's only fair if she has the last word on the matter.”

Alec, Jace and Clary share confused looks, and Magnus laughs. “That little bird is called intuition. You think I'd believe for one second this date was Jace's idea? And I know for a fact that Alec only agreed to it as a favor to me.” He glances at Alec. “Though I guess he's having more fun than anticipated, right, my love?”

Alec smiles and nods. It could be way worse, he thinks, remembering Clary's tale about their last double date.

Jace nods, too, in defeat and Clary regards him with a grin.

“Then let's finish our drinks and get going.”

 

~ ~ ~

 

Since Magnus didn't know any bowling alleys they follow Clary's direction which takes them a few blocks from Pandemonium. The venue is well-attended, bustling with activity and the occasional bout of laughter can be heard over the mutter of voices. They pay entry and stand in line for bowling shoes.

Magnus frowns. “Since when do you need special shoes for bowling?”

Jace turns to him. “Since always? When was the last time you went bowling?”

Magnus thinks about it for a moment, counting things off of his fingers before throwing his hands up in defeat and concluding, “I don't know, a few decades? Too long, apparently.”

Jace cocked his head. “And you still think you can beat me?”

“Of course,” Magnus answers with a feral grin.

“I don't think you have that much room to talk,” Alec chimes in. “As far as I remember you played bowling all of once in your life. Unless you sneak out to play behind Izzy's and my back.”

“No,” Jace admits grudgingly.

“What happened that time that you played?” Clary asks.

Jace presses his lips together while Alec suppresses a laugh. When Jace doesn't answer Clary turns to Alec. “Hm?”

Alec raises his hands. “Sorry. We have a deal never to talk about that again and Jace has pretty good leverage on me, so. I'm not saying a word.”

Magnus and Clary share a look, instantly forming an alliance dedicated to finding out this well-kept secret, but before they can start their first foray they are up for giving their shoe sizes.

They get rid of their jackets and shoes in the checkroom, changing into their newly aquired bowling shoes (Magnus thoroughly cleans his with magic and adds a little crisp scent for good measure) before making their way into the main hall with the lanes. In the back of the hall one lane seems to be opening up and they wait a few feet away while the former patrons grab their things from the adjoining sitting booth.

“So, Alexander, I think you were about to tell us about Jace's bowling mishaps,” Magnus inquires casually.

Alec knocks their shoulders together and smiles. “Sorry, Magnus, but my lips are sealed.”

Magnus leans into his side. “Hmmm, is that so?”

Alec makes the mistake of looking into Magnus's deep dark eyes. He's pretty sure Magnus commands some magical thrall he can turn on at will and that he employs whenever he needs to gain an unfair advantage over him. Now is definitely one of those times. He blinks, trying to remember why exactly this little piece of information needs to remain secret. “Uhhh...”

Somewhere distanly he thinks he hears Clary chuckle.

“Alec,” Jace calls warningly. “I really hope they stay sealed shut.” And when Alec doesn't react immediately, “Alexander.”

That catches Alec's attention quite effectively. He snaps back to Jace and scowls. “Don't call me that.”

Jace grins, relieved to have changed the subject for now. “Oh yeah? Whatcha gonna do about it, Alexander?”

Alec crosses his arms. “Oh, I don't know, _Jonathan Christopher_ , but I'm sure I'll think of something.”

Jace splutters and raises his hands placatingly. “Okay okay, I'm shutting up. Alec.”

Alec smirks triumphantly.

“-sander,” Jace mutters.

“Jace, I _swear_ -”

“Our lane is free,” Clary interrupts loudly before matters can get out of hand. She shares an amused glance with Magnus and they both decide to postpone the investigations for now.

“Who wants to go first?” Clary asks once she's settled her phone and wallet on the table.

“You should, since this is your evening,” Jace is quick to supply.

Alec snorts. “What about you, Ma..” He trails off when he notices the horrified look Magnus has fixed on the displayed bowling balls.

“They have holes. Why do they have holes? Am I supposed to stick my _fingers_ in there?”

Alec frowns. “Yeah.. you _have_ bowled before, right?”

Magnus turns appalled eyes on him. “There were no _holes_.” He stares back at the balls. “And they weren't covered in.. whatever that is.”

“It's grease, so they can slither over the lane easier,” Alec explains slowly, confused. How can Magnus not know this?

“Oh, you mean nine-pin bowling,” Clary solves the mystery, walking over to them. “This is ten-pin bowling.” After earning a few not really enlightened glances she continues, “The games are very similar but nine-pins is with smaller balls that roll, not slide, and you don't need extra shoes.”

Magnus examines the bowling balls closely. “How often do they clean those things?”

Clary shrugs. “I have no idea.”

Magnus blinks, then takes a few steps away from the lane towards the booth. “Well, I'll sit this round out.” He sits and mutters, “Or all of them.”

“Then it's just the two of us,” Clary states, seizing Alec up. “You ready to lose?”

Alec grins. It seems all their competitiveness has finally rubbed off on Clary. “You should ask yourself that,” he retorts, grabbing a green ball and handing it to her. “Ladies first.”

Clary takes it with an answering grin. “May the odds be ever in your favor,” she says and laughs to herself.

Jace hovers for a while but opts to sit down and watch from the booth with Magnus after the first few rounds.

“You're pretty good at it, for only having done that once before,” Clary comments, making a shot. It takes down seven pins.

“Oh, that was just Jace. Izzy and I go occasionally. But we prefere pool.”

“Simon and I used to go bowling all the time with Luke and my mom. Simon dropped the ball on his foot once and broke it.”

Alec laughs and eliminates nine pins.

“Luke and mom denied us any visits to the bowling alley for almost a year but we managed to talk them around.” Clary sighs, watching her next ball take down only four pins. “I love this place. It has the best milkshakes. You want to try it?”

Alec only hums and knocks down ten pins.

“I'm sure they have cocktails, too,” she coaxes.

“Maybe later,” Alec says and smirks at her. “Gotta focus on demolishing you first.”

Clary flicks her hair back. “We'll see about that.”

 

~ ~ ~

 

After another ten minutes of amicably trash talking each other and several game sets that mostly go to Alec, Clary turns to the booth. “You want to give it a try?”

Both Magnus and Jace, who were talking quietly, look up and hastily wave her off. “No, we're good.”

Clary walks back to Alec and nods over her shoulder. “Any idea what they're talking about?”

Alec shrugs. “Styling tips, maybe?” he suggests and Clary laughs. “Anyway, I could go for that drink now.”

Clary nods her agreement and goes to fetch her wallet.

They've almost reached the counter when Alec falters, patting his pocket with a frown. “Damn. I left my wallet in my jacket.”

“No problem, I'll pay,” Clary says, but Alec is still frowning. “You can pay me back later,” she amends and Alec nods, stepping up to the counter next to her.

“You decided already?”

Alec shrugs.

Clary suppresses a sigh. Alec and his fondness for nonverbal answers.

“Strawberry cocktail?” She looks at Alec questioningly, but Alec just hums noncomittally, so Clary tries again. “Raspberry?”

Alec's hum suddenly sounds infinitely more interested. Clary stows that information away for future bribing and/or groveling purposes and orders a raspberry cocktail for Alec and a strawberry milkshake for herself.

Once their drinks are ready she takes a sip from her straw. It tastes good. She means to ask Alec how his is, but her words die in her throat when she sees him taking a big sip. He grins. “Wow, it's really tasty. Very sweet.” He goes to take another gulp and Clary gets as far as “maybe you shouldn't-” before he's downed the entire thing in one go.

Clary stares.

Alec blinks at her rapidly for a few seconds, color shoots into his cheeks and he smiles at her broadly in a way he has never done before. “S there even alcohol in this? I didn't taste a thing.”

It seems Jace really wasn't lying when he had told her Alec's experience with cocktails was pretty much non-existent. Apparently Alec never got the memo that sweet drinks didn't necessarily taste alcoholic even if they were strong.

“Can I get another?”

Clary bites her lip. She has a responsibility here. She should order him a milkshake.

But... one more surely won't hurt, right? And she's curious about drunk Alec. And the prospect of maybe actually _winning_ one of those bowling games is entirely too enticing.

“Sure, why not?”

 

~ ~ ~

 

Jace and Magnus watch Alec and Clary play for a while, before Magnus speaks. “I'm actually impressed Clary manages to toss that ball so far. Especially with that appalling hole contraption. It looks like you could easily break your fingers in it.” He shoots Jace a questioning look. “Is that why you don't play?”

Jace snorts. “Nice try.”

Magnus rolls his eyes. “Fine. Be all mysterious about it. See if I care.”

Jace laughs. “Seems like you do. I might even share it with you.” He smirks. “For the right price.”

“So that's how you want to play it?” Magnus asks. Jace shrugs coyly.

“How about this: You tell me another sport you play, since bowling is out for both of us, and if I best you you tell me.”

Jace fakes surprise. “You _don't_ want to hear the story then?”

Magnus smiles sharply. “We'll see about that. And once I've found out every last detail I'll relay them all to Clary, of course. How does that sound?”

“Very unrealistic.”

“Then tell me your sport, hotshot.”

Jace bites his lips and takes a moment to consider him. “Chess.”

Magnus leans back in the cheap upholstery. “Hm, that'll be a home match.” He smirks at Jace and smoothes his hair back. “You know, since I invented chess.”

Jace laughs. “Oh no, you didn't. You're not that old.”

Magnus chuckles. “How you flatter me.”

Jace gapes. “I didn't mean it like that.” He huffs. “Fine, I walked right into that.”

“Don't worry, you're not the first one. I've been tricking shadowhunters into complimenting me for centuries now. It's very amusing.”

“I can imagine.”

Clary comes to their table and asks if they want to take a turn playing, but they're both quick to decline. She walks back to Alec, then returns to grab her wallet and the two walk off, presumably to get some drinks or snacks.

Magnus watches them go fondly. He had hoped that they'd all get along this evening, but actually seeing it... it's nice. Alec seems to be having a good time, and he's here, with Jace, bantering. Who would have thought?

Speaking of which. “Now's your chance,” he says to Jace. “Clary is out of earshot.”

Jace raises his eyebrows. “So?”

“I'll make you another deal: Tell me now and I won't breathe a word of it to her.”

“And why would I take that deal? Maybe I have faith in my chess skills.”

“You think I couldn't pry the truth from Alexander if I put my mind to it?” He could, but he wouldn't. Jace is welcome to keep all his embarrassing childhood stories to himself. But Magnus has a feeling Jace isn't too reluctant to share his little anecdote and is just playing hard to get.

Jace tilts his head, conceding his point.

“Let me expand my offer by a question,” Magnus continues.

“A question?”

“Yes. You can ask me any question and I will answer truthfully.”

“ _Any_ question?” Jace makes sure.

 _Gotcha_ , Magnus thinks. “Yes.” While Jace might have faith in his chess skills, Magnus has great faith in his ability to twist his words and give an answer without really giving anything away.

“Done.”

Magnus shakes Jace's offered hand. “Then spill.”

“Okay.” Jace looks over his shoulder to where Alec and Clary are still waiting for their drinks. “Alec probably didn't tell you this, but I...” He changes tracks. “Alec _probably_ told you that he's afraid of spiders, right?”

Magnus nods. “It might've come up. There was an incident in the kitchen. Lots of screaming. I needed an explanation.”

Jace bites back a grin. “Okay, so. For me it's ducks. I can't _stand_ them. And I managed to keep that secret for a while, but Alec and Izzy found out. Right before our first trip to the bowling alley. We had set stakes, you know, maintaining the weapons and other annoying cleaning chores, and whoever gained the most points would have to do the least. We were all playing to win.” Jace huffs in amusement. “So of course those two exploited this new found weakness of mine. Everytime I was about to make a shot they would sneak up on me and quack.”

Magnus hides his laugh behind his hand.

“And I lost so terribly. It was a disaster. I told them I'd never go bowling with them again and, what can I say? I'm a man of my word.”

“So it's not bowling itself?” Magnus inquires.

“No. It's just this slightly traumatic association of bowling and ducks.” Jace pauses, then leans a little over the table. “I keep double checking the floor behind me. I'm feel like I'm slowly drifting off into paranoia.”

“Well,” Magnus lets his fingers spark. “I can assure you that as of this moment there are duck repelling wards on this place. So there's nothing to fear.”

Jace squints. “I can't tell if you're pulling my leg or not.”

Magnus smirks. “When you see a duck in here you'll have your answer. You could bring one. To make sure.”

“Hilarious.” Jace rolls his eyes. “Alright, warlock, time to pay up. Here's my question.”

Magnus cocks his head. He's genuinely intrigued what Jace will ask.

“Is Alec a big spoon or a little spoon?”

Magnus scrunches his face in utter bewilderment. “Why would you want to know _that?_ ”

Jace has the decency to turn an embarrassed shade of red. “Izzy and I have a bet. She says he's a big spoon because he always wants to protect but _I'm_ sure that he...” Jace trails off at Magnus's warningly raised eyebrow. He lifts his hands defensively. “Izzy started it! She wouldn't stop pestering me about it until I gave in to her stupid bet. And Alec has refused to answer.”

Magnus isn't surprised about that in the slightest.

“So? Big spoon or little spoon?”

Magnus shows his teeth in a dangerous smile. “Neither. We switch.”

Jace heaves a sigh. “Yeah, sure. But there's got to be a trend, right?”

Magnus shrugs. “There might be.”

“And? Out with it.”

Magnus pretends to think about it for a moment, then he lets out a long breath. “Sorry, but your one question is already used up.”

“Oh come on, Magnus!” Jace exclaims. “Are you serious?!”

Magnus smirks. “Very. But no worries. If your detective skills are half as good as your chess skills you'll surely find another way to verify.”

“Verify? So does that mean he's a little spoon?”

Magnus shrugs, smiling infuriatingly. He can already tell that this could go on for hours. And he's going to enjoy every second of it.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Clary was so wrong.

To her defense, how should she have known that two cocktails were enough to turn six feet of grumpy shadowhunter into a giggling mess? In school she learned that tolerance correlated with body weight, so Alec should be able to handle more than her but.. apparently not.

She's immensely grateful that Alec isn't a sore loser (something she really wouldn't have expected, with how competitive he gets) and just laughs every time he fires the ball into the gutter halfway down the lane. Which happens disconcertingly often.

No wonder he's always so uptight about stopping by the Hunter's Moon when they are on missions, if his aim is shot to hell so fast. When he asks for another drink she guiltily gets him a raspberry milkshake that he slurps happily. He even lets her take all his turns until he's done.

She's just wondering how she can possibly gloss over Alec's state when Magnus and Jace finally break loose from their riveting conversation and catch up to what's happening on their lane.

“What did you do to my boyfriend?” Magnus asks, eying Alec who still hasn't let go of his empty milkshake cup and is currently tapping against it, carefully listening for sounds.

“I think there's still something in there but it won't come out,” Alec complains to Jace. “That's mean. I paid for that.” He frowns and amends, “Clary paid for that.”

Clary smiles winningly at Magnus. “Nothing? He's always like this?”

Magnus doesn't seem convinced. “I think I would have noticed that.”

Alec catches sight of him and distractedly pushes the cup into Jace's chest before bounding over and wrapping his arms around Magnus. “Magnus.”

“See,” Clary waves at them. “Nothing out of the ordinary. This is totally normal Alec behaviour, right?”

“Possibly,” Magnus admits, “but don't think I don't realize he's drunk.”

“It was an accident,” Clary confesses meekly. “I didn't know he was such a lightweight.”

“He tries to keep it under wraps,” Jace remarks. “Thinks it undermines his authority.”

“Well,” Clary looks at Alec who's busy nuzzling at Magnus's hair. “He might be right about that.”

Alec catches her gaze and announces, “Clary won. But only because I let her.” He leans closer to Magnus and whispers way too loudly, “I really didn't.”

Jace snorts.

“So this is the real reason you got him drunk,” Magnus concludes. “To seize victory.”

“No,” Clary reaffirms, and belatedly realizes by Magnus's playful grin that he's just teasing.

“Uh-huh. You are a menace, Clary Fray. Remind me to never get on your bad side.” He tilts his head, contemplating. “Though I doubt that you could drink me under the table.”

Clary smirks. “You know what they say, never tempt fate.”

Magnus laughs, delighted. “I won't.” He sighs and pats Alec's arms. “Which is my cue. I think it's time for this one to retire.”

“Sorry about that. You didn't even get to play,” Clary says.

Magnus shakes his head. “Oh biscuit, I'm really not sorry about that.” He glances at Jace. “But there's no reason you two can't enjoy the rest of the evening. I'm sure Jace's fears are alleviated, now that my wards are in place.”

Clary frowns at him, confused. “Wards?” When Magnus just smiles she turns to Jace. “Jace?”

Jace backs up a step. “You know what? I'm getting Alec's jacket,” he declares and marches off.

“Does he even have the key to Alec's locker?”

Magnus laughs. “No, he doesn't.”

“What was that about?” Clary wonders.

“Well.” Magnus allows himself a smirk. “I might have found out Jace's bowling secret.”

“Really?” Clary asks with sparkling eyes. “Tell me!”

Magnus hums. “You know, biscuit, a gentleman never tells what another shares with him in confidence. But,” he smirks at Jace, who's returning from the checkroom empty-handed, “next time you go out, suggest to take a walk in the park to feed the ducks, and see what happens.”

 

~ ~ ~

 

Alec wakes with a groan and grabs at his aching skull.

“Good morning, my darling,” Magnus's soft voice drifts through to him.

“Ugh,” Alec answers eloquently.

Gentle fingers brush through his hair and the pain in his temples recedes significantly. “Thanks,” Alec mutters, blinking his eyes open slowly. The courtains are mostly drawn, just a small sliver of light falling through the gap, illuminating Magnus sitting on the edge of the bed by his side, dressed in his dark blue morning gown.

“How are you feeling?”

“Better, thanks to you.” Alec gets up on his elbows. He frowns. “I don't remember getting home.”

Magnus chuckles. “That doesn't surprise me. Apparently you fell victim to some raspberry cocktails.”

Alec falls back into the cushions and buries his face in his hands. “Oh god.”

“Now now,” Magnus soothes. “It was fine. We all had a lot of fun.”

“Did we?” Alec mutters, even though the first memories resurfacing in his sleep-addled brain aren't so bad.

Magnus smiles at him warmly. “We did. Especially you.”

He closes his eyes for a moment and snaps his fingers, conjuring a photo from thin air, or rather his mind. He holds it out for Alec. “Look.”

The picture shows Jace, Clary and himself, smiling in varying degrees of amusement. It's true, his smile is the broadest. It might be bordering on plastered.

But although the picture is crammed, something is definitely missing.

“Shame that you're not in it,” he sighs, handing the photo back to Magnus who sets it down on the nightstand carefully.

“I suppose we'll have to take real pictures next time,” Magnus muses.

Alec nods along before the words register. His eyes go wide. “Next time?!”

 

**Author's Note:**

> The picture, which inspired this whole thing, is from [Kat's Twitter](https://twitter.com/kat_mcnamara/status/636924591663902720). Alec's dart fail was inspired by [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72rZYYOJ99Y) because it's frikking cute and so, for once, I allowed myself to blurr the line between actor and character a little =) all in the name of comedy.
> 
> I actually wrote a oneshot about how Alec reveals his fear of spiders to Magnus, and it's not at all what I hinted at here. Did I contradict myself? Or did Magnus just not want to share this intimate memory? Who knows, I certainly don't. If you wanna read it, it's [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16578269).
> 
> Anyway, I'd be happy if you considered leaving a kudo or comment if you enjoyed this ficlet :)


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